Where the Hell am I Now?
by DragonGolem
Summary: One shot. Nothing special. Just the result of too much sugar and not enough sleep.


Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½.

Author's Notes: This is a bizarre one shot I came up with and could find nowhere else to put it. I was going to somehow incorporate it into the other story, but this fits best by itself.

Where the Hell am I Now?

Ranma Saotome, Heir to the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts, was bored. Despite what people believe about him, even he has limits to how much training he can stand. Since no one else was home but him and Kasumi, he decided to relax in front of the TV. He lay sprawled on the couch, the remote in his hand, and prepared to fry some more brain cells. The first thing on TV appeared to be an infomercial for a new total home gym. It never failed to amuse him at what lengths people would go to stay in shape. What didn't seem to be in the script was Ryoga, his sometime friend and rival, stumble on the set. He saw the barely clad women stretching on the machine and earned himself a nosebleed.

"Where the hell am I now?" he complained loudly before fainting from blood loss. The pigtailed boy quickly changed the channel to a soap opera. He would never admit it, but he did have a romantic streak. He just had trouble showing it. The two on the screen were growing increasingly involved, arms and legs beginning to tangle together. Suddenly, Ryoga appeared once again, more confused than ever. He walked right through the bedroom with a puzzled frown.

"This must be Saotome's fault." He reasoned aloud. Ranma sweatdropped, he really wondered if there was something wrong with him. Before that thought could continue, he quickly changed the channel to the Iron Chef. That this was something that spoke directly to his heart. A whole program dedicated to improvising under strenuous circumstances. The contestants were battling hard to use up their ingredients. Ranma was more then a little shocked to see the level of violence involved until his face froze in horror. Ryoga once again appeared on the screen. Before he could say anything, the shaken martial artist changed the channel.

Over the course of the next half hour, Ryoga had appeared on a news program, a children's show, and most bizarre of all, was commenting rather intellectually on a fifteenth century painting on the BBC. With trembling hands, Ranma turned off the TV. Perhaps a book would calm him down. He looked down to the newspaper and almost screamed like a little girl when Ryoga walked across the front-page picture.

"Where the hell am I now?" Ranma did the only sensible thing and flung it out the window. Panting heavily, he looked for anything to take his mind off the problem. When he looked at the family portrait, Ryoga was there with a dazed look. When he looked towards the mirror, he was passing just behind Ranma but couldn't seem to see him. Ranma really did start screaming at the bizarre scene. Kasumi came in wearing a print apron with a vase of flowers stitched onto it. Somehow, Ryoga was marching through the flowers.

"Ranma-kun, are you all right?" she inquired sweetly of the paralyzed boy. She noted with concern that his pupils appeared dilated and he was panting heavily. He just kept muttering repeatedly that Ryoga was everywhere. As she went to check on him, he abruptly fainted from shock.

"Ranma no Baka! I told you to take care of my sister and you faint! What kind of weakling are you?" Akane's melodious screech pierced his skull as he woke up. Kasumi was explaining to him that the doctor said that it was a symptom of severe food poisoning. Ranma was relieved that it really was nothing, until he looked at the nurse's ID badge. Ryoga was glaring balefully around him from next to the woman's face.

"Saotome! This is all your fault!" he screamed. The pigtailed boy did the only thing he could do, he gibbered in terror and whined pathetically about Akane being a bio-weapon developer and testing it on him. No one could understand what had gotten into him. The only one unfazed by Ranma's condition was the Lost Boy, currently lost somewhere he shouldn't be.

"How did the Titanic get to Nerima?" he mused as he swam.

Author's Notes: This was a bizarre idea I got. I hope you enjoy it. Please read and review.


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